Women and Success Pains: Truths That Exposes Our Self-Destructive Tendencies
My younger self is full of dreams of success. I am, of course, one one may call as an overachiever with a billion written plans in my planner. I laugh at the naivete of my youth as I recall writing down the expenses for building my own empire with my Papermate pen.
I wanted to be a lot of things, a fashion designer that breaks boundaries, a ruthless lawyer, an inspiring author, a business savvy CEO. I was a teenager with starry eyes and hopes in her pocket.
Fast forward to today, 24 and with only one thing in my planner now. Success.
It’s easy to write a billion plans but nobody prepared me for the billion issues I have and will go through as a woman in my 20s, especially when it comes to chasing success. I was under prepared, and somehow, I was oblivious in that situation. Might be cliché for me to say, if I could build a time machine, I would meet my clueless young self and warn her of the upcoming twists and turns of my life. Especially from that one person that continuously made my journey to success problematic — myself.
Exposing Our Self Destructive Tendencies
We all have our own self-destructive tendencies and I am here to expose some of it:
1. We apologize for being and demanding better
We got a promotion and we get worried that our colleagues might get upset. We demand better teamwork and quality in a team assignment, yet we apologize for being serious — you know that dreaded phrase serious jua eh. We yearn respect as a superior, yet we apologize for being bossy.
We are so conditioned to prioritize other people that it stops us from recognizing our own hard work and efforts climbing the ladder. When it comes to success, only strong, alpha women could identify their kind instead of whispering behind the cubicle calling you diva behind your back.
2. Comparison is a dangerous habit
And that is true. We can be very hard on ourselves sometimes. We look in the mirror and wish we can be as skinny as Amirah, or as pretty as Aqilah or as clever as Hannah. Truth is, they too are envying something you have which they don’t!
Comparing yourself to another is a form of self-loathing that comes from a place of insecurity. We like to compare ourselves to the best qualities of another person but fail to love the best qualities of ourselves. Every one of us is busy fighting our own battles within ourselves — we simply lack that self-awareness to notice it in others.
3. Unsupportive Partners
When I asked my Instagram audience, what prevents us from success as women, 60% of them answered Men or Partner.
It’s appalling how this issue still stood tall today even with progressive career and thriving women in society. As we reach that golden shiny trophy, an unsupportive voice whispered into our ear and it comes from someone you truly love and trust. That’s what I call an absolute betrayal and unfortunately, we ourselves choose to let it slide for our “loved” ones.
We tend to prioritize the needs of our partners instead of focusing on our own goals — that’s a fact. “The thought of settling down with a non-understanding partner. One that hinders your growth” — Answer.
4. We convince ourselves that we are not worthy of success
There is nothing more tragic than a woman who loses hope and announces defeat. The biggest obstacle we will ever face in the race of success comes from within. It’s when we fail to fight our inner demons, giving up so easily when it gets harder or getting swallowed by the unkind criticism of others.
We tell ourselves how we are not good enough and unworthy of the accolades we worked so hard for. Even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. There’s a difference between being humble and self-deprecating.
Takeaways For More Success
Do you notice that all these issues can be traced back to our relentless mind?
Even when we face harrowing adversities in our journey to the top, the biggest indicator success comes from within ourselves. We are the problem and we are also the solution. We are only successful if we think we do — that is something no money or power can buy. Everyone else? They are just the side characters that can either aid or trouble you. How we react to them, how we handle it and how we view it — it’s all up to us.
As women, we have been the battling in this fight to be recognized for decades. Our predecessors stood up strong for their rights and voice, and today, its our turn as the women of the future to continue on their footsteps.
Heavy is the crown, but never for a queen
SZA, The Weeknd, Travis Scott — Power Is Power
About the Guest Writer
Coven is your main dose of life in a 3 minutes read. It addresses certain relatable aspects of life, issues and local cultures in an angle. Each post serves a little bit of wit, truth and most importantly, a heart that hits close to home.
